New Law Firms

The first word you learn in law school, I assume.

There are hundreds of TV shows that have lawyers. There are hundreds of movies that have lawyers. We have a lawyer at my place of work. Every actor in Hollywood has played a lawyer at least once. What is this fascination we have with lawyers?

My sister is a lawyer and she says the way lawyers are portrayed on TV are probably about 1% of the lawyers. The ones that are constantly badgering witnesses, and finding evidence in one long night with some takeout. The ones that take down the evil people of the world and fight for the good guys. Those lawyers are one in a billion. Most of the time lawyers have their noses buried in books. Finding obscure text that can help with a case. Or writing stuff. All I know is that they can object and judges are always yelling at them that they will be in contempt.

I’d rather focus on something that they do that could be changed and make them more relatable. You know how they are always naming their firms after the people that “make partner”?

Lawyers on the case.

Maybe we could get some people to change their last names so their firm names sound cool. How about some of these?

Peanut, Butter & Jelly – This law firm focuses on people that get in a “jam”. They also help people that are between one piece of bread and another piece of bread. Sometimes they handle people that are kind of nuts.

AT&T – This law firm specializes in people that have phone problems or problems with communication. They are usually hard to get ahold of and have pretty rotten customer service.

A&W – This law firm spends a lot of time getting to the root of your problems. They aren’t ambulance chasers, but they do chase ice cream trucks a lot.

Q&A – They like to ask you a lot of questions. They then answer them too. It’s hard to get a word in edgewise.

Procter & Gamble – Proctor specializes in finding cheaters who takes tests, while Gamble is the guy who helps out people that get wronged in casinos.

Kraft & Macoroni – These partners deal with a lot of cranky kid cases. They are a little cheesy and really fake, but in the end, they will keep you satisfied when no one else can help.

Someone needs to speak to their lawyer!

H & R Block – They specialize in doing things for you that you find way to dull to do. Tax law, copywrite law, or help you understand what offsides means in soccer.

I’m pretty sure I haven’t covered all the law offices around the country. What law partnerships would you like to see?

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter PhilawsipherBen