Statistically Speaking Bitterness

Life as a math student.

I hated math growing up. Thankfully that has never changed, as I still find that anything that I can’t calculate on a calculator, is not worth my time.

When I was in college, I had to take a statistics class. I immediately knew I was going to fail the class, because of the way the teacher introduced the class. First of all, he said it was going to be hard, so I got the subtle hint from him that it might be a challenge. Then his next statement was that he that you should sign up for my personal tutoring session in order to keep up. Third he said to expect to do 10 hours of homework a week in order to do well.

I guess he was really good at stats because he probably predicted that I would fail. For some reason, I decided to keep going in the class and torture myself. My test scores got increasingly worse, and I think by the end of the class I was hovering around 10%. Since I wasn’t very good at stats, I couldn’t tell if that was a failing grade, because it was on a curve and only like 10 people were left in the class that started out at 50. I think he may have been running his own personal Statistics Hunger Games.

My faces in that class.

I did figure out my purpose and reward by sticking it out until the end. The day came when the teacher announced that we would get to fill out the teacher evaluations(insert revengeful, evil laugh here).

You all know they used to call me Revengerman right? Let’s just say that on my evalution, the statistical chances of him getting a good review from me was right along the zero curve. I tore into him so bad, that I think he might have physically the atomic wedgy I verbally gave him.

I don’t want to say that he got fired from his job because of me, but I will totally claim it. All I know is that I felt an amazing sense of glee when I found out that dude got fired.

Hey, that felt pretty good.

Statistics are the worst. I feel almost as uncomfortable around numbers as I do being at a party.

One statistical exception. Those social media numbers.

For some reason, I’m obsessed with how many likes, comments, shares and follows I get on this blog, my Facebook, Instagram, Youtube and Twitter. It’s like I can’t handle if a post doesn’t do well, or if nobody comments, or my stats go up and down by the day. I’m sure there is some sort of statistical reason, but I usually just make up for my followers.

Yeah, one person!

IE The regulars are getting ready for school this time of year, or the holidays are coming up, or their blog got hacked, or I haven’t engaged with them enough, or they are just not sly enough to get my humor. Yep, those are all reasons. Still, why aren’t they making me world famous like I deserve?

If I’m not writing about things that make me bitter, I’m checking the statistics that are measuring why I should be bitter. I don’t know if this has ever happened to any of you, but the better I think a post is, the worse the stats are. The worse I think a post is, the better the stats. There must be some sort of inverse posting principle I could write about.

ARRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Statistically Writing Ben