Magic Bitterness

Magic, right?

I’ve always been fascinated with magic. I mean how can you not be enchanted when someone can just pick your card out of a deck? I don’t know who uses decks of cards more, casinos or magicians.

I’m not sure how David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear, but somehow it didn’t take because I think it is still there. Guess Lady Liberty liked her little home on the island and couldn’t really afford a place in the city, especially because the 305 feet apartments are few and far between in Manhattan.

Look, she just disappeared!

By the way, do you think David Copperfield, David Blane, Criss Angel and Penn and Teller went to Livermorney School of Witchcraft and Wizardry(the American version of Hogwarts)? If so, they must be the worst students, because 1) they are using their powers to be hack magicians, 2) they’ve kind of given away the secret that they are wizards. That is something like James Bond being the world’s worst spy, because everyone in the world knows about him. If he were a good spy, no one would know who the heck he was.

Let’s talk magic though. If you were to get the powers of a magician, what would you use the powers for?

Unfortunately, I would not be a Harry Potter, or a Hermoine Granger. Heck, I probably wouldn’t be a Voldemort either. I would just be a guy that would use my powers for my own good. Screw all the other people.

Also, I’m not that great at thinking big, or that great of a student. I probably would have only learned the low level spells that took the least amount of work. I’ve got a commute to work every morning that is way too long.  I wouldn’t have learned how to fly on a broom, or learned how to apparate. I would have really only paid attention to the “get out of the way” spell. It would have just moved cars to another lane so I could get to work on time, instead of 20 minutes late.

I would have just learned the boring meeting remote control trick.

I would probably not learned the time spell very well, but I would have been just motivated enough to learn the speed up time a minute spell. So I could have made meetings gone a little faster, but not enough to speed through the whole thing. And when it comes to doing something stupid at work, I could probably fast forward a minute so I didn’t do it, but my skills would have screwed it up and made it go back instead and then looped the screw up so it happened over and over again. Just my bitter luck.

Uggh, I’m getting quiller’s block.

All I know, is that I wouldn’t have worked in the Auror office, or as a part of the ministry of magic. I would have been some low level office worker selling potions over owl messages, dreaming about writing the next great novel about the secret world of Muggles. But, I would just end up quilling a blog about all the bitter things about being a wizard.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Magician Ben