Bad Air

Little kid football.

My son is a football player. I’ve never seen someone so excited to hit people on the field and then be so unexcited to do any sort of movement off the field (IE at home). He is the hardest working lazy boy I’ve ever met. He can run his mouth 55 miles an hour, but doesn’t have the ability to walk a few steps to the kitchen to put a dish back, or pick up a piece of clothing.

Back to the football. He practices almost everyday, which is great for him. He needs somewhere to go that isn’t Fortnite, or his computer. So last week, we got the call that they were cancelling practice due to the bad air. I never would have believed a practice could be cancelled for that until now.

Why do we like the outdoors again?

We’ve been having fires in the area. I’m not sure who is responsible for setting them. We used to import our bad air from California. I guess the people around here were tired of importing the bad air from there and decided to create our own.

I’m told Smokey the Bear forbids fire. So knowing that a talking bear would be upset at you for starting one, I’m not sure who had the guts to start one. Anyways, because some people just can’t seem to resist setting this place on fire, we’ve been having smoky air.

It’s super fun to wake up in the morning and inhale that just woke up from a camping trip feeling. There is a reason houses were invented. So we didn’t have to sleep outside. There’s a reason why Serta and Purple mattresses do so well. Because we aren’t meant to sleep outside. There is a reason why air conditioning is such an amazing invention. We aren’t meant to breathe outside air.

Normally I would be super pumped for the bad air to invade our area. It gives me an excuse to stay inside. Unfortunately, I’ve been required to go outside more and more.  Breathing this stupid air. Football practice. Rolling my windows down because it’s too hot. Having to take out the garbage and go get the mail. Going to swimming pools. Walking from my car to work.

Pools are so much work.

Why all these activities all of a sudden? It seems like we are perfectly fine staying inside all winter.  Why do the outdoors have to be such jerks?

I thought trees were supposed to be helping us by providing all this oxygen so we can make more air conditioning. Now they are playing with fire and accidentally setting themselves on fire and we have to suffer for it.

Like I need another reason for hating to go outside.

ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH