Camo Bitter Friday Giftures

 

Some do whatever it takes to get noticed. They wear fancy clothes, get tattoos, wear bright colored hair, post selfies on Pinstragram. Not me. My goal is to blend in. If I was a spy, I would be the opposite of James Bond. I would find a way to not make big explosions happen, cause a ruckus at a public event, etc. My goal would be to get in and out, without anyone noticing.

Last night I was at Target and I was thinking that the worst thing you could do is wear a red shirt and tan kahki’s. All of sudden, you go from anonymous shopper to “Do you know where the lightbulbs are?”. Talk about annoying. I’ve been mistaken for help before and it was super uncomfortable. At least I got to tell them the wrong aisle, then ditched out of there. Speaking of telling you wrong stuff and then ditching, here are the Bitter Friday Giftures…

This guy could have just blended in…

…but he decided to go full Fortnite dancer.

Kind of reminds you of a movie…

…where the hero comes flying out of nowhere.

Gotta love when the gross water…

…goes from one disgusting place to another.

Here’s one that will…

…haunt your dreams forever.

Ahhh, the sandy beaches of…

…your garage.

This is the best way…

…disguise your bitterness. 

Don’t you hate it when you…

…accidentally swallow your hand?

Or…

…a cotton ball?

Don’t you hate it when you just want to faint…

…but the power of dance takes you over?

Or you want to be a hardcore rapper…

…but the power of roller blading takes over?

Does this baby know he’s only...

…lifting like two ounces? Chill bro.

What a waste of effort…

…he didn’t even get one.

Speaking of wasted effort. That seems like what I went through just to do this blog. Luckily, this wasted effort won’t bring any more attention on me.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Camouflaged Ben