Battery Pack Bitterness

Better than the hype.

I remember the Matrix as the last big movie I ever saw that was hyped to the max. I remember it came out in April 1999 and I honestly don’t believe I even saw a trailer for it. Nowadays, you will see a trailer 6 to 8 months before a movie comes out and they are almost events unto themselves. It was one of those miracles where I was completely shocked and amazed at how good something was that I knew nothing about.

Anyways, there are a lot of things about the Matrix that are pretty implausable, but one of the things that I think might be real is that we are batteries. We all have a shelf life, we are start losing power, the older we are, and I think some people drain us way more than others.

I think my earlier battery life was drained by sports. I played a lot of basketball, ran track and occasionally played baseball and softball. I enjoyed sports enough, but I never really made any money playing them, so I kind of consider all that a waste. Don’t get me wrong, I was skin and bones, and I could make it up a stair or two, but where have all those sports got me know? I have a bad back, two bad shoulders, two really bad knees.

Ready for the great battery drain?

I know for a fact that I got all those things from sports. They drained the life out of me really fast. The thing that drains my battery even more than sports is people. My son is probably the biggest drain on the old battery. If he isn’t non-stop talking at me, he is asking me to do things.

He wants to go outside and play catch, or he wants me to shag some fly balls. And when he isn’t running me ragged outside, he is always asking me to get things for him inside, even when he closer. Can you get me a drink? Can you make me a sandwich? And if that isn’t enough of a drain on me, he wants me to chase him upstairs every night, and then wrestle with him until I’ve tucked him in at night.

The only thing that recharges this low battery at night is my alone time, on the couch, with the love of my life, TV. TV doesn’t ask me to do things, it doesn’t make me run, or shoot baskets, or fill out TPS reports. TV works it butt off FOR ME. It entertains me, it informs me, it even gives me great ideas? I’m surprised that it doesn’t have an ATM slot that spits out money at me every once in a while.

The only true battery charger.

Why can’t people be more like TV? Stop draining my battery and actually try to fill mine up every once in a while instead of draining me. Is that too much to ask?

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Battery Drainer Ben