I have a lot of weaknesses, but one of my biggest is hair. One of my worst nightmares is finding one in my food. I would much rather get punched on the arm 50 times than get one in my food.
Even my head is kind of scared of hair to the point where it is continually pushing the hairline back to the beaches of Nomanlandy. My skin is really sensitive, so I don’t like to shave. It creates all kinds or redness and irritation and since I’m not very good at it, cuts. On top of that, the greyhairs are starting to take over Beardland.
Yesterday it had been over a week and my face was starting to get irritated. So I finally went to the bathroom to hack of the nightmare of foliage on my face. I was so looking forward to wiping off that loser dust.
Loser dust is a term that I just made up last night that means people, places or things that have hung out way too long and you just need to get rid of. It is different for everyone, but everyone has some.
Besides, the loser dust on my face, I have a few other examples of loser dust in my life.
Guests – They are the worst. As awesome as it is to have people come to your house and spend time with you, it isn’t. First of all, you are sitting on my couch, you are eating my food, you are watching my TV and taking up all the air space with your useless and meaningless words. I have a big non verbal sign over my head that says you need to leave, but apparently you don’t speak non-verbal very well. It looks like a scowl, an eye roll and a forced smile. Go to school and take a foreign language class about it. Man it feels good when I get to wipe loser dust off.
Smiles – They aren’t welcome here. I know some of you think it is healthier to smile, it makes other people happy, it’s turning a frown upsidedown, etc., but maybe that is because your face muscles actually naturally form a smile and it is hard not to. I don’t sympathize with that. I have a resting bitter face and you are going to have to literally put your two fingers on the edges of my lips to force a smile out of this face. And don’t touch me, because that is an invasion of my very wide personal space bubble. Dust that smile off and I will feel .
Personal Space – There is a reason why offices, property lines, and Texas were invented. Space, lots of space. I treat my personal space like many countries guard their borders. Don’t try to invade the personal space or I will attack with all my personal space military. Do not send your hug spies into the area, because we are always waiting with our anti-hug missles, our shoulder tap grenades, and my air-to-air back pats. Come at my personal space and I will attack you with my Personal Air Traffic Space controller and turn you into loser dust.
What about you? What is your loser dust? What do you need to wipe off that will make you feel much better?
Bitter Loser Dust Ben