The Sloths of Zootopia

Some thought it a brisk adventure.

You all remember the Zootopia movie right? Apparently everyone liked it, because it got like 98% on Rotten Tomatoes and made like a billion dollars at the box office. There were a lot of things to like. First, it is a Disney movie, which a lot of people will see regardless of how good or bad it is. I know some people like animals, and other people liked the humor.

I know a lot of people that saw the movie just because of the scene where the bunny and the fox went to the DMV. Many people thought that it was hilarious that the DMV was staffed by sloths. You know, because the DMV is pretty much the slowest place in the world.

I thought so too…until recently. We dropped off my son for football as usual and then we had to run some errands. We needed to pick up a prescription for my daughter and get a few other things, so we went to Walmart. Based on that very visit, the Sloths of Zootopia have been overthrown by the Pharmacists of Walmart.

Overtaken as the slowest creatures on the planet.

My wife always prethinks things, because she is smart. Our first stop in Walmart was to the Pharmacy. We immediately saw a large line and were a little weary. But most of those people were picking up drugs and we were just dropping off. So we just went in the short drop off line. I just wanted to hand them the papers, so we could get to the business of shopping.  With 4 staff members though, it took a little longer than I thought. After waiting in line for 5 minutes or so, we finally got the attention of one of the Sloths and she only took a minute or two to get my stuff in the system. A little longer than expected, but we just figured it was rush hour at the pharmacy, so we didn’t think much of it. They said they would text us when it was ready.

We commenced to walk the halls of Walmart, dreaming about a few things, (mainly me dreaming about things like a new phone, new computer and a new camera) and then we moved on to more realistic things. I don’t buy a whole lot of things, but when I do, they are expensive things. My wife, on the other hand, has to think responsibly, because she knows where all the money goes.

We lazily walked the store, got the things we needed and about 45 minutes still got no text from anyone. We were getting close to the time where we needed to pickup my son, so we sat for a few minutes waiting for a text and no go.

Time to take matters into our own hands. We went over to the pharmacy and most of the crowd had dispersed. That was a good sign right? So I waited behind one person, who took probably a good 5 minutes before he got to me.

Could I just get anything here?

I walk up to the desk, ask if my prescription is ready, and he says, “Have you got a text yet?” Nope. “Well, it looks like they are starting to fill the prescriptions now so it shouldn’t be too long.” I see them moving at a sloth’s pace back there, like no one in the world is waiting to be checked out. Super encouraging.

So I sit down to do what I have already been impatiently doing for an hour now. Waiting.

My wife decides that she will just go check out and wait for me (she assumes I will be right along). I finally get the magical text. I will just hop right up to the desk, get my prescription and then move along with life right? Nope.

There are two people in line now. So I have to wait behind them. The person two in front of me literally takes 15 minutes. Why? Did she have some sort of illegal drug smuggling that needs to take place? Is there a trouble with the machine? Are there actually sloths running the pharmacy? From what I could tell, there was no long nails or fur on these people.

Almost 25 minutes after I get the text, I’m still getting texts from my wife asking if I am done yet. Football practice is almost over.

Finally I get to the front of the line. I get my prescription. Do you need a receipt? No I do not. Gotta go! Okay, the pharmacist will need to talk to you.

UGGGHHH.

Is this how you do mouthwash?

He looks at the bottle of prescription mouthwash and reads me the instructions. Not even for me, but whatever. In his slowest, slothlike voice he says, “Okay, so what you will need to do is drink a little, but don’t swallow it. You will need to swish it around in your mouth for about 30 seconds. Then remember, don’t swallow it and then spit it out. Got it?” Ooooooh, you mean like every other mouthwash instructions I’ve ever done. You mean, you have to swish it around and DON’T swallow it? I’m so glad you went to pharmacy school to tell me how to use mouthwash. Too bad they didn’t send your staff to speed or customer service school.

Thanks Dude!

ARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Bitter Sloths of Walmartopia Ben

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